New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize