Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
