just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
