I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
