so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
