we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize