the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
