so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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