Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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