Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is Oprah even human
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
