it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
