Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
