Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
