Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
