I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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