Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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