i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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