that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
smell my finger.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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