My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
