I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
