You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
