I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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