Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
