Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
