census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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