I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
