Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
