lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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