turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
