My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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