He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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