benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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