Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize