just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
