4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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