we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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