Welp...herpes.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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