i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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