Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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