it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
