Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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