what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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