My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize