I've blown a few things in my day
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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