I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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