he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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