She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
