When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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