May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
