im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
