He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
