I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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