i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
