I can text with my tongue
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
