I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
