That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
