At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
