The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
