Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
