If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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