What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
