Porn is love you can see.
My liver just broke up with me...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
