He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
