you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
