Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
