my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
