Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
