I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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