remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
