In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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