Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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