I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
