nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
