I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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