It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
