I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you never un-have a 4some
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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