I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
