My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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