fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
