how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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