I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the day after is always just damage control
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
