OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
