Someone shit on the floor
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
