Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
