Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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