so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize