non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
