Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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