if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
