i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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