I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
