I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize