I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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