is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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