I want to walk on stilts...naked
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
