Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
