i wish starbucks made bloody marys
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
