sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
