I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
