I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
