Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
