I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
