I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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