Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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