in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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