you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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