That's intense
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
there is another microwave in the elevator.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
