I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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