i wish there were pregnant emoticons
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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